so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
