Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
