community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
