I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize