I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
