is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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