Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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