why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
