Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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