and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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