yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
