there was a trapeze. enough said
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
