I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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