Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im holly from the hills drunk
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
