I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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