I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
