hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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