I feel great
I just peed on a car
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
