I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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