just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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