My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
