i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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