Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
