This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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