beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
