We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
