just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He passed out mid-signature
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
