Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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