Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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