Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
