I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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