my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
