Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
