i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
