I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
