so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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