If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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