If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
