But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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