If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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