Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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