its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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