good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
