I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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