What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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