...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
