Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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