im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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