I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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