My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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