guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the liver wants what the liver wants
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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