just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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