I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
