My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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