I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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