I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
