she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
