now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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