OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
