Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
