Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
