yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
