saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
