A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
