xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
