real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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