mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so let's talk penis.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
