Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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