I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
