Your mouth is God's brothel.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize