my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
