your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
