dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
