My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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