I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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