the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
