I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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