Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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