I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
